her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
