I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
