yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
