I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
