people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
