i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
