Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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