he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
