I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
