It's like God shit irony all over that family
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
