Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
