"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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