my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
