Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
