im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
