I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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