Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
