In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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