I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
