this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
