The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
