im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
