i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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