I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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