remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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