I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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