you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
