Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
