I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
