sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
