was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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