we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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