Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
