I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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