I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My dick has a subreddit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
