my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
