Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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