I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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