no, he came in my armpit
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
