You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
