the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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