just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
