I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
