Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
