I want you more than these girls want KFC
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
