My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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