a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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