HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
