drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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