I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
