Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
