I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
