So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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