I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
