What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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