I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
