So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
