your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
