im drinking this country out of the recession.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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