we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
