i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
