You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
