We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Randomize
