She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
