DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
