There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
