wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
