Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
