just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
