Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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