I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
